This article is a screenplay of the Andrew & Heidi episode "Making an I.Q.!" from Season 1 which was released on December 1, 2014.

Here is the Screenplay for Making an I.Q.!

(Making an I.Q.!)

[Andrew’s House]

[Andrew is watching television]

Andrew: Hm! I wonder why I’m always getting commercials whenever I flip a channel to see that something good is really on. That is so full of dope.

[Doorbell rings]

[Andrew walks over and answers the door]

Andrew: Hey Heidi why do you have a…..

[Heidi walks in with a book covering her face]

[Heidi runs into the couch and falls]

Andrew: Heidi! Why did you have that book in your face?

[Heidi stands up and retrieves her textbook]

Heidi: I’m in the middle of studying!

Andrew: For what?

Heidi: That I.Q. test that were taking. I just need to get a passing grade.

Andrew: Heidi! You don’t need to study.

Heidi: Why not?

Andrew: Because the I.Q. test we’re taking tomorrow is nothing to study for. It’s just a test administered by the state of New York that measures your intelligence to see if you are really smart.

Heidi: Yeah! Wait what?

[Andrew smacks his forehead]

Andrew: It’s just a test that measures your brain!

Heidi: But I wanna keep my brain.

Andrew: You’re not gonna lose it. All you just gotta do is take the test and we’ll do terrific.

Heidi: Okay! Why do we have to take the test anyways?

Andrew: It’s state required Ms. Heidi who’s loves wearing floral print clothing. It’s also nothing to worry about.

[Dani walks in]

Heidi: Then I wonder why I was so silly to look at my school textbook for hours. I took it wherever I go, like at a restaurant, at my house and at your house and at the…

Andrew: Okay! I get it! This is gonna be some I.Q. test we’re gonna be taking.

Heidi: I know what I.Q. stands for! Um…..independent…….quality?

Andrew: It stands for intelligence quotient!

Heidi: I got corrected!

Dani: An intelligence quotient test? I wonder why I’m not taking that at my school.

Andrew: It’s because you’re in elementary school Porky! You take the I.Q. test when you get to high school.

Dani: Why do they call it I.Q. rather than just say the actual words.

Heidi: So that way they don’t um…. I forgot what I was going to say.

Andrew: Just to say it really simple I guess.

Dani: Wow! You two must be brainless!

Heidi: What do you mean by brainless? My brain is on a happy and cheerful condition.

Andrew: Yeah! We’re not dumb!

Dani: I’m just saying that to make you two feel miserable.

Andrew: Duh! Why don’t you just go ahead and eat an apple or something rather than just stand there being a mindless wazz bag.

Dani: I ain’t no wazz bag. Plus my name ain’t Porky!

[Dani leaves]

Heidi: Porky! Just like the cartoon character Porky Pig!

Andrew: I called her that because I felt like it.

Heidi: I hope I do well on this I.Q. test.

Andrew: So do I!

Heidi: I love unicorns!

Andrew: I'm too cool for that stuff.

[Andrew & Heidi Theme Song]

[Ithaca High School]

[Andrew and Heidi are walking in the hallways]

[A kid walks in]

Kid: Andrew! Ready to take that I.Q. test?

Andrew: Yeah! I’m sure am!

Kid: Yeah man! Give me five!

Andrew: Yeah!

[Andrew and the Kid high five each other and the kid leaves]

Heidi: You gave that kid a high five. That looks painful!

Andrew: No it’s not! You’re thinking that it’s smacking a hand really hurts.

Heidi: Does it hurt?

Andrew: Sometimes, but not a lot! My good hands don’t get hurt because I really take it easy while I’m high fiving! It’s just a usual thing!

Heidi: Oh! I see!

Andrew: We all know how it works! Come on try it!

[Andrew raises his hand]

[Heidi slowly raises her hand]

Andrew: You can do it!

[Heidi hugs Andrew instead]

Heidi: Andrew! I just think a hug is better!

Andrew: NO!

[Heidi lets go of Andrew]

Andrew: Come on lets go! We got an I.Q. test to take.

[Andrew and Heidi walk into a classroom]


[Andrew and Heidi comes in and sits in their seats]

[Bell rings]

[Principal Elmore walks in]

Principal Elmore: Good morning pupils!

[A nerd raises his hand]

Principal Elmore: Yes!

Nerd: I don’t think it was very nice to call us pupils.

Principal Elmore: Yeah it was! It’s a…just a tradition for teachers.

Nerd: The word pupil reminds me of the word pimples! I even got one on my back.

Principal Elmore: Didn’t need to know that part. [Starts handing out the I.Q. test]

Nerd: I’m unable to pop it because I can’t seem to reach it. I just hope there is an easy way to do it.

[Andrew approaches the nerd]

Andrew: You might do this for us right now.

Nerd: What’s that?

Andrew: Shut-up!

[Andrew goes back to his seat]

Nerd: Andrew just told me to shut-up!

Principal Elmore: I know that! Thank you Andrew!

Nerd: Dang it!

Heidi: Don’t worry! I’m sure you can go see a doctor about that mean and evil pimple.

Nerd: Thank you! Or you can pop it for me!

Heidi: I’ll pass on that!

Andrew: It’s okay you don’t have to.

[Everyone in the classroom has received a test booklet]

Principal Elmore: Alright! So you are taking your I.Q. test! You have one hour to complete the test. All you guys gotta do is answer questions 1 through 100!

Heidi: Wow! That’s infinity!

Andrew: Your sounding like you’ve never seen a 100 question test in your life.

Heidi: Wait I haven’t? Or have I? Maybe I did! Did I?

Andrew: Never mind!

Principal Elmore: Alright, no talking! Eyes on your own test, and you may begin…now!

[Everyone starts taking the test]

Andrew: Questions 1 through 100! I can do that.

Principal Elmore: I said no talking.

Andrew: Sorry! Question number one! Numero Uno!

Principal Elmore: Dude!

Andrew: What?

Principal Elmore: I said be quiet! Stop talking or else your test is over.

Andrew: I’m shutting-up now!

[Andrew sees Heidi taking her test]

Andrew: [Whispering] At least my girlfriend is staying quiet for some reason.

[Andrew starts taking his test]

[The nerd finishes taking his test]

Nerd: Yay! I’m all done!

Principal Elmore: Okay! Just be quiet pimple dude!

Nerd: But my name is Alan!

Principal Elmore: Just be quiet! Kids that just don’t wanna shut-up! How dopey!

[Andrew’s House]

[Andrew is watching television]

[Michael and Katy walks in and sits down with Andrew]

Andrew: Was that even necessary to join me while I’m watching television?

Katy: I don’t know! Is it Michael?

Michael: Yeah!

Andrew: My parents are so mindless.

Michael: We can make up our minds pretty well. Besides, the Green Bay Packers is about to come on.

Andrew: Okay!

[Dani walks in]

Dani: Hello family!

Katy: What are you doing here? Did you finish your homework?

Dani: Indeed I did!

Andrew: How magnificent! My parents are mindless and my sister is a grunch!

Katy: Don’t grunch talk in my house!

Dani: I think grunch must be a French word for noodles.

Michael: Even though it isn’t.

Dani: So Andrew, how did you do on your I.Q. test?

Andrew: I did pretty smooth!

Katy: You know I was kind of wondering about that! I’m sure you did well!

Andrew: I hope so! It’s been three days since I took that test, I’m just curious to know my score!

Michael: Because you’re possessed about it! I gotta go check the mail!

[Michael walks out]

Andrew: I’m really curious you know!

Katy: You must be worried!

Andrew: Yeah I am!

Dani: Maybe your results might tell you that you have a mindless brain.

Andrew: Mindless brain? I have a good a brain! I know how to use a pear phone!

Katy and Dani: Say what?

Andrew: That was just an example!

Katy: Oh yeah!

Dani: I don’t care!

[Michael walks back in with the mail]

Michael: Just some bills and lousy junk mail. It’s like we get this kind of stuff all the time.

Katy: You forgot to shut the door!

Michael: Oops!

[Michael approaches the front door]

[Heidi runs in and accidentally knocks Michael down]

Heidi: Andrew! The results came in on the I.Q. test!

Andrew: You just ran over my father.

[Michael stands up]

Michael: Yeah! You really did!

Heidi: Sorry!

[Michael closes the door]

Andrew: That vanilla envelope you have right now has the results to the I.Q. test?

Heidi: Yeah! But I’m too nervous to open it.

[Michael finds a vanilla envelope in the mail]

Michael: Andrew I think this one is for you. It must be your results from the test. [Gives Andrew the envelope]

Andrew: Lets see! [Opens the envelope and looks at his test score]

Dani: What’s it say?

Andrew: Hey! I passed! I got a 92!

Katy: A 92!

Michael: That’s wonderful!

Andrew: I knew I was really smart!

Heidi: Yay! [Hugs and kisses Andrew]

Andrew: Not in front of my family.

Dani: So you got a 92! You must be some smart boy!

Andrew: That’s because I am smart. I’m a genius!

Katy: Don’t over do it Andrew!

Andrew: Really! I’m a genius! What’s your score Heidi?

Heidi: I don’t know!

Andrew: Open it!

[Heidi opens her envelope and reads her test score]

Andrew: What’s it say!

Heidi: I got a…6!

Andrew: A 6?

Michael: That’s impossible! She got a 96!

Heidi: Not 96! Just a 6!

Dani: Just a 6! Sweet!

Andrew: Heidi that’s not good! That’s failing!

Heidi: But I…[Looks at her test score again]

Andrew: Heidi!

[Heidi runs upstairs]

Michael: Why are you going upstairs? You don’t live here Heidi!

Andrew: Dad! I’ll handle this!

[Andrew runs upstairs]

Michael: Now to watch the Green Bay Packers!

Katy: You always watch sports!

[Andrew’s Bedroom]

[Heidi runs into the door multiple times]

[Andrew walks in]

Heidi: Andrew I think something might be wrong with the door.

[Andrew opens the door]

Andrew: You just gotta open it!

[Heidi runs in the bedroom]

[Andrew follows her in the bedroom and closes the door]

[Heidi lays on the bed]

Andrew: Heidi!

[Heidi starts crying]

Andrew: Heidi I’m sorry! Those results on the test don’t really lie. It’s just a test anyways!

Heidi: [Crying] I thought I did well on that test! If would’ve passed I would be so happy.

Andrew: But you’re crying right now.

Heidi: [Crying] I guess that means I’m not a smart person.

Andrew: Heidi! I think you’re a smart person! Even though you do get confused at times.

Heidi: [Crying] I am smart! I know how to eat a hot dog!

Andrew: A hot dog? That’s way too easy!

Heidi: [Crying] Andrew you gotta high score and I gotta low score! I thought my brain was good!

Andrew: It is good! Come on Heidi!

[Andrew comforts Heidi]

[Heidi stops crying]

Andrew: This is not the end of the world. Ever since I first met you, you’ve been cheerful, smart and pretty much hug and kiss me all the time, which I’m too cool for. I think you’re a really good person. I feel really sorry for you now that I’m seeing you cry.

Heidi: I’m really sad!

Andrew: I Know! I love you Heidi!

Heidi: I love you to Andrew!

[Andrew kisses Heidi and comforts her]

Heidi: Now it smells stinky in here. It’s like someone ate a burrito for dinner.

Andrew: Sorry!

[Ithaca High School]

[Andrew closes his locker]

[A kid nervously walks in]

Andrew: Is there a problem?

Kid: Yeah! I gotta pee!

Andrew: Then go to the bathroom.

Kid: This must be the 80th time that I urinated.

[Kid runs away]

Andrew: I hope you have a nice wazz, for the 80th time.

[Heidi walks in really sad]

Andrew: Oh! Cheer up Heidi! I can tell you’re smart all over.

Heidi: I’m still depressed!

Andrew: You’re really messed up about this low score thing. It may go on your permanent record. But I still think you’re smart and beautiful.

Heidi: You sound just like my grandma!

Andrew: What do you mean by that? I’m sure I sound like myself.

Heidi: That’s what my grandma told me. She said smart and beautiful.

Andrew: You told her about your score did you?

Heidi: Yeah! She even talked about butter a little.

Andrew: Butter? As in buttered popcorn?

Heidi: Yummy!

Andrew: Look! I’m sure everything will be fine.

Heidi: But I got a 6 on my test!

[Heidi gets ready to cry]

Andrew: Okay! Okay! Please don’t cry! How about I teach you how to be smart since you think you’re not smart?

Heidi: Okay!

Andrew: Good! Now! Here’s lesson number one! Do you know how to tie you’re shoes?

Heidi: Oh! Um……no!

Andrew: Okay! I pretty much asked that since you’re wearing Keds right now.

Heidi: What are Keds?

Andrew: It’s your shoes!

Heidi: Oh! My grandma usually ties my shoes for me.

Andrew: All the time?

Heidi: Well, not when I’m wearing ballet flats, high heel pumps, sandals or flip flops.

Andrew: Okay! Whatever!

[Andrew unties Heidi’s shoes]

Andrew: Now! Try to tie them.

[Heidi squats and gets confused]

Heidi: Can you help me?

Andrew: You know how to tie a dress right?

Heidi: Yeah! That’s right!

Andrew: So that means you know how to tie them!

Heidi: Wow! I just knew something.

Andrew: Alright! Go ahead!

[Heidi gets confused again]

Heidi: I forgot again!

Andrew: We got some work to do.

[Andrew leaves]

Heidi: Okay!

[Heidi walks forward and trips on her shoelaces]

[Heidi stands back up]

Heidi: Andrew you forgot to….

[Heidi trips on her shoelaces again]

Heidi: Retie my shoes!

[Heidi stands up trips again]

Heidi: I got some crawling to do.

[Heidi crawls on the ground]

Heidi: This looks fun!

[Commercial Break]

[Hall’s Market]

[Andrew is sweeping the floor]

Andrew: Hey Dirty stuff! I will now destroy you with this broom, so prepared to be swept.

[Heidi comes into the store crawling]

Andrew: My girlfriend is crawling.

Heidi: Hi Andrew!

Andrew: You kept your shoes untied!

Heidi: That reminds me of that SpongeBob episode.

Andrew: Yeah! Except Patrick wore shoes on his hands.

Heidi: Please tie my shoes Andrew!

Andrew: Okay!

[Andrew squats down and ties Heidi’s shoes]

Andrew: There!

[Heidi crawls forward]

Andrew: You can stand up now!

[Heidi stands up]

Heidi: I’m sorry Andrew! I just don’t know why I get confused for no reason.

Andrew: That explains that you thought that a lobster comes from a potato. You know that’s not true.

Heidi: That’s a good observation though.

Andrew: It really isn’t!

Heidi: Are you still gonna teach me how to be smart?

Andrew: Yes! But not now! I’m running the store because Mr. Hall is not here. He had a doctor’s appointment for a check up. So I’ll help you tomorrow!

Heidi: Okay! That sounds good!

Andrew: Anything else?

Heidi: I have a pink pogo stick at my house!

Andrew: Wow! Not amazing!

[Andrew’s Bedroom]

[Andrew is drawling a microwave on his chalkboard]

Andrew: Okay! Now I bet you know….

Heidi: I didn’t now you had a chalkboard.

Andrew: I got it for Christmas last year. It’s used for chalk!

Heidi: That sounds fun!

Andrew: Anyways, what is this picture? You know what it is?

Heidi: It’s uh…..I think I know it.

Andrew: I’m waiting!

[Heidi is still thinking]

[Andrew is still waiting]

[Camera views at Heidi’s shoes]

[Heidi is tapping both of her feet at the same time]

Andrew: Well!

Heidi: I got it! It’s something that you heat food in.

Andrew: Which is?

Heidi: A food heater!

[Andrew smacks his forehead]

Andrew: No! It’s a microwave!

Heidi: A microwave! I kept thinking it was a food heater.

[Andrew erases the microwave on the board]

[Andrew draws another picture of a person getting hit by a ball and is laying down]

Andrew: Now, a ball hit this person that I drew. He’s on the ground, now he’s laying with his eyes closed. But he is not dead but he is?

Heidi: He would wake up at a certain time right?

Andrew: Yeah!

Heidi: He’s nonconscious!

Andrew: He’s unconscious! Un! Not non!

Heidi: I believe its nonconscious.

Andrew: It’s unconscious!

Heidi: I really think it’s nonconscious.

Andrew: Unconscious!

Heidi: Nonconscious!

Andrew: Unconscious!

Heidi: Nonconscious!

Andrew: Unconscious!

Heidi: Nonconscious!

Andrew: Unconscious!

Heidi: Nonconscious!

Andrew: Daaaah!

Heidi: I give up!


[Andrew gives Heidi a popcorn bag]

Andrew: Here Heidi! Have some popcorn!

Heidi: It’s a weird looking bag of popcorn! It’s all yellow and small!

Andrew: It’s not cooked yet! You gotta cook it in the microwave!

Heidi: Or the food heater!

Andrew: Just put it in there.

[Heidi opens the microwave and puts the bag of popcorn inside]

[Heidi waits and pulls it back out]

Heidi: It didn’t work!

[Dani walks in]

Andrew: That’s because you didn’t do right!

[Dani takes the popcorn bag form Heidi, puts it in the microwave and closes and activates the microwave]

Dani: There you go!

Andrew: Dani! You weren’t supposed to help Heidi! She was suppose to do it herself.

Dani: So what? Heidi is just confused!

Andrew: Get out of here?

Dani: Neeeeeeh!

[Dani leaves]

Heidi: Hows the weather?

Andrew: Descent! Very Descent!

[Ithaca High School]

[Andrew is standing by his locker]

[Heidi walks in and accidentally falls]

Andrew: Get off the ground!

[Heidi stands up]

Heidi: It must be my heels! It can sometimes happen on some occasions.

Andrew: You little girl, still have much to learn! Remember I got a 92 on my test, and you got a 6 on your test! I’m really helping you get smarter.

Heidi: Andrew! I give up! I think I’ll never be smarter.

Andrew: Don’t be sad! I think you are smart! Even though you get confused.

[Andrew comforts Heidi]

Heidi: Well, I do wanna thank you for helping me through this. But I’m still really depressed about this.

Andrew: I know!

[Principal Elmore walks in]

Principal Elmore: PDA in the hallway?

Heidi: Whats PDA?

Andrew: Well it’s uh…forget it!

Principal Elmore: I do wanna see you two.

Andrew: About what?

Principal Elmore: I’m here to give you two you’re I.Q. test scores.

Andrew: But we already got our test scores in the mail.

Heidi: Yeah! He got a 92 and I got a 6! Oh no! I just said my failure!

Andrew: It’s okay! It’s not like it’s a curse or anything.

Principal Elmore: Andrew as it turns out you did not get a 92, and Heidi you did not get a 6! There was some miscalculation with you’re scores.

Andrew: I thought the scores didn’t lie!

Principal Elmore: I know! The computer just scored your tests wrong! I have your “real” scores right here. This time there correct!

[Andrew and Heidi takes and reads their correct test scores]

Andrew: I got a 94! I’m still the smart one!

Principal Elmore: Sure!

Andrew: Heidi what did you get?

[Heidi screams]

Andrew: I guess my eardrums are telling me it’s good news!

Heidi: I got a 98!

Andrew: A 98! Wow!

Heidi: I’m a smart person after all.

Principal Elmore: Yeah! We are all smart! I get the picture!

[Principal Elmore leaves]

Andrew: Looks like you’re really smart after all.

Heidi: I know!

[Heidi hugs and kisses Andrew multiple times]

Andrew: Too cool for that! Too cool for that!

Heidi: I feel better now!

Andrew: Oh Heidi! You’re so happy and cheerful!

Heidi: Hahahaha! Thank you!

Andrew: Lets go celebrate!

Heidi: Andrew!

Andrew: What?

Heidi: Carry me!

[Andrew picks up and carries Heidi]

[Andrew walks out carrying Heidi]

Andrew: You’re so lite!

Heidi: And not heavy! I passed my I.Q. test!

Andrew: I passed to!

Heidi: Which is good!

[End Credits Scene]

[Andrew’s House]

[Michael and Katy are sitting on the couch]

[Andrew and Heidi walks in]

Michael: Hey kids!

Katy: Anything interesting happened today?

Andrew: I actually got a 94 on my I.Q. test!

Heidi: I got a 98!

Michael: How did that happen?

Andrew and Heidi: Computer mistake!

Katy: Oh! That wazzed off computer.

Andrew: I know!

Heidi: That computer was silly!

(The End)

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